[This review was collected as part of a promotion.] She is the best of machines, she is the worst of machines. She is absolutely what RATM was singing about and has definitely been influenced by Stephen King’s Christine. I’ve been on a real journey with this beast, and have purposefully waited until the last minute to write the review to see if I could get a coffee out of it on consecutive days 🙃
I’m an intelligent person with two degrees, a professional qualification, and I’ve been chartered in my field for 13 years. All completely irrelevant when trying to work out this coffee machine. I couldn’t (can’t) figure this out at all. The ‘instructions’ are like a comic strip and have no detail on how you actually make a coffee. Lubing it up, doing the aquaclean thing, and testing the hardness of the water is described well and I did all that ok. Making a coffee? pReSs BuTtOn aNd cOfFeE aPpEaRs. Except, it didn’t.
I’ve been on the website, read, searched, read more, watched YouTube videos, joined a Reddit group, and still I’m confused. Plus, I swear she has a mind of her own – she’s a sassy and contrary minx.
I’ve been through one-and-a-half bags of ground coffee and had about five successful cups.
I think I’ve figured it out and then next time I fancy a coffee it doesn’t seem to want to give me one.
I’ve had conversations with it, I’ve pleaded with it, I’ve loudly grunted in frustration, I’ve threatened to throw it out the window, to set it on fire – I’ve been through most emotions with this bad boy.
When it has made coffee, it’s nice and it’s fast – when it does do what it should, it does it well; it’s delicious.
When friends ask for a coffee, I say, “Who knows? We can but try.” Will it be coffee, or just hot water? Will it happen at first press, or second? Or will it just make encouraging noises for a while, flashing its wonderful lights like a disco, lulling me into a false sense of security, then tell me it needs its nappy changing (aka its coffee grounds catcher emptying)? Which, let’s be honest, it wouldn’t need if it made the coffee when I’d like it to, rather than just getting rid of it in its bin so I have to put more in. Maybe it doesn’t like the coffee I’m using and is doing what it can to encourage me to try a different one. I feel like I’ve tried everything to figure it out, but the tricksy little monkey would be consistent on one day and mock me the next.
It really does keep you on your toes, each time demanding I answer her riddles three. I’ve found myself trying to remember what I did that time she gave me a coffee – did I use the right finger to press the button? Is my hair the same? Did I sing to her last time? Which dance did I do? I haven’t even attempted the latte function, I’m not sure I could take the uncertainty as well as what could possibly happen with the milk.
Is she trying to teach me about not being complacent? About trust? Engineering?! I don’t know, nor am I sure I ever will. It’s been emotional. It does look ace in my kitchen though, so, you know. Swings and roundabouts 😂🤷🏼♀️